I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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