I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ugly people sure do ruin things
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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