i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ketchup is God's man juice
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
