Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
