a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
