Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My bed smells like the plague
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
