I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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