Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
