is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
