I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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