Small penises have feelings too.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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