You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
