Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
