I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
