Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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