my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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