Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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