There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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