she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
