If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
