i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
