he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
