Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
