Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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