so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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