Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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