all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
