I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
