When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
