dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just invented taco cereal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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