Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
