You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
