which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
