hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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