No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
