and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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