I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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