Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
