When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
