I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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