I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
