Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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