It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
