i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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