You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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