im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
