I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
