My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Mom said you looked used
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
