I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His hands were made for my vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
