Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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