How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
