I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
