She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
