I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
